by Extra
PETER: An attractive, amiable, man in the later half of his college career.
MARISOL: A very attractive, fair skinned, quirky woman also in the later half of her college career.
BILL: Peter's housemate and friend of both of them.
A fall at the end of the '80's.
SCENE ONE
SETTING: The stage is clear but in front of the audience there is either a row of empty chairs or the front row of the theater is empty except for PETER and MARISOL sitting on the right aisle. if the chairs must be on the stage, the stage has a platform running along the back which is about three feet high and at least three feet wide to serve as the "stage's" stage.
AT RISE: PETER is in the inner seat asleep and MARISOL, in the aisle seat, has just awaken.
MARISOL
Peter. (shoves him lightly) Peter!
PETER (shudders awake)
Wha? What is it?
MARISOL
We fell asleep. The movie's over.
PETER
Oh, oh yeah. Well I don't mind, I've seen "Strange Brew" about six times anyway.
MARISOL
Peter, look around us, there's no one here.
PETER
Well. not too many people came to the Max Von Sydow Film Festival in the first place and then most of them took off after "Pelle the Conqueror" ended.
MARISOL (a little annoyed)
Peter, there's no one here! I think they closed the theater. Here, look what time it is.
PETER
I think the program said this was supposed to end at three. I guess they didn't look around too much. Hey, I wonder if we're locked in?
MARISOL
Oh, I hope not, I want to go exploring. (excited) I know, why don't we go to Times Square!
PETER (chuckles)
I don't think that's a real genius idea. I don't feel that adventurous.
MARISOL (jumps up)
Then let's get up on the stage!
PETER (sighs)
Look at her, she's so, full of life. We've always had fun, I just can't believe I didn't see how wonderful she is before! (konks head) What a bonehead! (faces up stage) Marisol! Do the batdance!
MARISOL
You mean some sort of Prince cavort?
PETER
No, that funky thing from one of the King Tut episodes, remember?
MARISOL ("light bulb" over head)
Oh, oh yes! Well aren't you going to provide some music.
PETER
All right, now do a righteous Pow! (MARISOL gives no one a left hook.) And a Bam! (MARISOL backhands no one with her right hand.) And of course, the Kathoom! (MARISOL does a double uppercut and falls down.)
MARISOL
I bet "Batmaning" is tougher than aerobics. Maybe, that's what he can do, "The Adam West Batman Workout"! The poor man has nothing better to do.
PETER (raises arms)
Ah yes, another soul saved by the glorious power of merchandising!
MARISOL
Say, what do you want to do when you get your fifteen minutes?
PETER(Elvisish)
Well, I'll want to that my agent, and my hairdresser but most of all I'll wanna thank my Momma.(faces audience) Thank you, Momma. No, really, I don't know. Um, oh I guess I want to say something to get people to like, loosen up, y'know so they won't worry so much about what other people will think.
MARISOL
Wow, you make me sound blond to the brain. What I want to do is have a live TV camera in my room and to dance. But every couple of minutes, I'll jump behind my closet door, change some of my clothes, and then pop out again dancing differently. Of course, I'll need you to provide the music, because I'll need different music each time I jump out.
PETER
I think if you do that, it'll do what I want my little speech to do better than my little speech. (pause) Of course, I don't think you get a lot of choice about the circumstances of your fifteen minutes.
MARISOL(optimistically)
Well then I'll just have to be prepared.
(brief silence)
PETER
Hey, did you hear what Ian said at dinner tonight?
MARISOL
Was it something about the Hungarian Noodle Bake?
PETER(evangelically)
He said,"Jesus' dog died for your dog's sins."
(They both laugh)
MARISOL(also evangelically)
Jesus' gerbil died for your gerbil's sins.
PETER
Jesus' cat died for your cat's sins.
(Pause)
PETER and MARISOL
Jesus' bat died for your bat's sins!
(They both laugh harder)
MARISOL
Nooo, Bela is a very pure and innocent bat. He's almost a Saint Francis of bats.
PETER
More like Vlad the Impaler.
MARISOL
Awww, I'm sorry Petey, that was really my fault. I should've told you to wipe that grape juice off your hands before I let you pet him. At least he had had all of his shots.
PETER
Otherwise, I'd be lurking around pomegranate display in a black cape right now, waiting for the clerk turn the other way, when I could pounce! Mercilessly sucking the delicious fruits of their life-giving juices!
PETER
Y'know we should probably check the doors to see if we can get out and motor back to SUNYland.
(MARISOL jumps down from the stage)
MARISOL(swooningly)
I shall examine the doors, my dear, for I must also depart to powder my nose.
PETER
I would greatly appreciate it, my darling, and I will wait for your return with, antici.......pation.
PETER
Wow, it's kind of weird when you mean that stuff.
PETER
Man, I thought I'd blown it there for a second. I hope she hasn't figured anything out, I hate that. But then I have another problem, what do I do? It'd suck ostrich eggs if she didn't want to deal and bugged out. Maybe I should just try to be real cool and hope it goes away. Yeah, right. I don't know maybe I should-
MARISOL
What are you doing, Peter?
PETER
I, uh, was practicing my soliloquies. To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to brave the slips and errors of Wheel of Fortune...
MARISOL(sarcastically)
Oh, you are truly the finest orator in all the lands. The doors are open if you want to scoot.
PETER and MARISOL
Here we come, walking down the street...
END OF SCENE
The next scene takes place in Peter's room, where he is trying to cope with the fact that he told Marisol that he loved her. Marisol arrives and they talk about her questions and apprehensions. In the end she decides that she thinks she reciprocates some of Peter's feelings and they decide to give it a shot.